on my alphasmart
I’m the brand of hipster that’s self-indulgent as I am self-aware (this will be important multiple times over the course of this post, if you can believe it). Whenever I get invested in something that meets that elusive ‘before it was cool’ criteria, I immediately destroy any elusive mystery by needing everyone to know I think the thing is cool.
Exhibit A: I went viral on tiktok explaining why the alphasmart 3000 is the coolest thing since sliced bread. A week later, the NY Times released an article explaining what an alphasmart is, and I will forever be bitter about that timing.
Exhibit B: I use my alphasmart in private as much as I do in public, but I do always invite excuses to explain what it is that I’m doing when someone sees me pull this giant calculator-esque contraption out of an Outdoor Voices tote.
Now, I do both understand and acknowledge that I am not the first to use an alphasmart to draft without online distractions. I also know that the original use case for the alphasmart (depending on who you ask, the answer is either teaching typing at underfunded schools, who couldn’t afford desktops, or serving as an accommodation for students whose handwriting was impacting their essay scores) is far nobler than writing Jake Seresin x yn fanfiction in a public place, without fear of someone reading over your shoulder.
Nonetheless, I have appointed myself an unofficial salesperson for the device. So, first, an overview, and here we will attempt to transcribe the rambling response I give when folks ask me what the heck I’m working with/on.
An Alphasmart 3000 is an offline word processor, a tool meant to store heavy amounts of text, without internet connection, ergo distraction free. You have 8 files you can use, each of which holds <120 pages. To transfer whatever you’ve typed to your PC, you need to use a special USB connector, which essentially transforms the alphasmart into an external keyboard. It types whatever you typed into a waiting document. There’s not spellcheck, there’s not styling or formatting, and there’s only four lines of text visible on screen at a time. It’s an incredibly scaled back approach to word-vomitting content, and in my experience, highly effective.
Great, definitions aside, let’s get into why you would or wouldn’t want one.
Cons:
It’s not a Freewrite, so if name recognition/instagram influencing is your jam, maybe that’s not ideal. Alternatively, if y2k is the aesthetic you’re after, imagine this point on the Pros list.
It’s a device that was made nearly two decades ago; you’re gonna need a new connector. Hardly a hassle, just something to be aware of/know to purchase, in case you don’t happen to have a USB 2.0 A-Male to B-Male cable lying around.
People are gonna ask. They will, and you have to come up with a spiel, and be ready to rattle it off, to various shades of reactions. Not to generalize, but more often than not, Gen Z will be confused and intrigued, Boomers will be condescending, Millennials will be nostalgic.
Pros:
You literally cannot be distracted by the internet. There’s nothing to connect to, no notifications, no NOTHING, except for the four lines in front of you. Cannot emphasize enough how much of a gamechanger this is going to be.
Battery run, and super efficiently, so you don’t have to worry about forgetting your charger at home. I put my normal AAA batteries in back in October 2021, haven’t changed them since, and I’m at probably 78% battery still. This also means you don’t have to sit near an outlet.
It’s not precious. I don’t worry about getting sand in it, spilling coffee on it, or tossing it in a bag with some things that might scuff. It’s pretty sturdy, so I truly don’t stress over it. I’m not like breaking it over my knee, but I could (and have) chuck it from the passenger seat to the backseat when I pull up to the curb of a friend’s house. In an age of screen protectors, and wincing whenever I set my phone down too harshly, this is honestly so nice.
Type appearing quickly is immensely satisfying. After you transfer your files, you get to watch lines after lines after lines just magically appear on your notepad/word/google doc/wherever you draft. Given that this is what I thought absolutely writing a novel would be like, it’s very gratifying.
Reduce, re-use, recycle! These have been produced since the early aughts, so it’s pretty cool that we can take a bit of mech, apply it in a different setting, and get a new lease on life.
It is TACTILE. the clickety clack of keys is SO good, next point.
Object permanence—because of the limited functionality, it works only so far, but exactly as far, as expected. There’s no wondering “did it save??” in a panic, because if you typed it, it’s there. Your place is saved because there’s no such thing as cached behavior. If you want to send, you press send, and the same goes for deleting, switching between pages, dropping to the beginning or end of a file. It is so simple and there’s no room for glitches.
I could go on, but everything else, you’ve seen on other sites/reviews.Personally, I think those ‘cons’ are really just a matter of preparation, but it felt fair to include them.
tldr; if you have $25 and trust ebay sellers, buy yourself an alphasmart.
